Musings on Acceptance
Accepting life as it is without biases or expectations. That is the mission.
I’ve been thinking a lot about acceptance. Many of us may be aware that truly feeling at peace within ourselves lies in our ability to accept things as they are. We may have been told that the more we resist, the more we cause turbulence to an already tumultuous mind. Most of us have the cognitive understanding that acceptance is key to contentment which may ultimately lead to happiness.
But how do we truly accept reality? Is there a step-by-step guide on acceptance?
The more I spend time thinking of different ways to answer this question, the more it leads me to more questions like What is my intention? Why do I feel the need to accept reality anyway? Is acceptance truly the answer?
Sometimes, I come up with answers like to eliminate suffering or to feel more at peace and happy or even as childish and pathetic as idk, why does it matter anyway?
Then I start to ask myself Why do I constantly need to feel happy? Why am I trying so hard to eliminate suffering?
Bob Dylan, when asked if he was happier twenty years ago than he was at 50 years old which was his age at the time of this interview said:
Happiness is not on my list of priorities. I just deal with day-to-day things. If I’m happy, I’m happy – and if I’m not, I don’t know the difference. You know, these are yuppie words, happiness and unhappiness. It’s not happiness or unhappiness, it’s either blessed or unblessed.
And that’s when it hit me.
Acceptance is just being able to deal with day-to-day things without expectations. It is to do what we must do without chasing a certain type of emotion. To just suck it up. To just do it.
What is Happiness?
When we try to do something to chase a certain outcome or feeling, we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment. Expectation is the breeding ground for dissatisfaction.
So I tried to think about the mundane things that I do every day—making my bed, wiping the floor, cleaning the toilet, washing the dishes, doing the laundry, putting my son to sleep.
When I make my bed in the morning, I don’t really think about what kind of emotion it will bring me. When I’m wiping the floor, I don’t necessarily think that it could make me happy. When I’m doing the laundry or doing the dishes, I don’t expect to feel a certain way. When I put my son to sleep, I do it just because I know he has no awareness of time.
But when I do these things, when I will myself to deal with these day-to-day things, I realize that happiness somehow finds its way to me.
Being able to lay my head on a clean pillow. The smell of fresh laundry. To walk on a clean floor. To sit on a clean toilet. To wake up with a clean sink. The first 30 minutes of silence after putting my son to sleep. These are things that make me happy. I just didn't notice them because I had grander ideas about happiness.
Happiness is not just one specific emotion but rather a spectrum of different pleasant emotions. It can range from the serenity of the early morning making its way to your kitchen to that ecstatic feeling of riding wave after wave on a warm, summer afternoon.
Happiness, or any other emotion within that spectrum, is not supposed to be the end goal, but rather just a fortunate happenstance we experience from time to time while we’re busy living our lives, a short reprieve from the day-to-day things, a salvation if you will. We just need to be more aware of it when it comes.
A step-by-step guide on Acceptance
So, is there a step-by-step guide? I regret to be the bearer of bad news, but there is no simple answer. But perhaps, we can speculate:
sort out what is truly necessary and discard the unnecessary
will yourself to do the work and do the necessary day-to-day things without biases and expectations
acknowledge every emotion that comes with work, pleasant or unpleasant, and know that they are fleeting
recognize happiness when it comes no matter how brief
If you have your own speculations on how to go about this one precious life of ours, share them, too!
