7 Morning Rituals to Cultivate Stillness
“Routine, done for long enough and done sincerely enough, becomes more than routine. It becomes ritual—it becomes sanctified and holy.”
—Ryan Holiday, Stillness is the Key
Why am I always tired? Why do I feel like shit all the time? Why does my head hurt and why do I barely have the energy to do the bare minimum?
These were the questions I used to keep asking myself as I sat on my balcony, looking at the sky as I gulped ounces of beer (or champagne if I was feeling fancy) while also taking long drags off my cigarette.
Looking back, I feel stupid to be even asking those questions. If any of you could talk to my past self right now, I know exactly what you would say.
But oddly enough, I was somewhat taking care of myself around that time.
I was already doing yoga. I was a vegetarian. I meditated. I wrote in my journal regularly. And I spent a lot of time in nature.
But it still was not enough.
I remember thinking how tired I was of always feeling like shit. Then I had a random encounter with a book called Stillness is the Key by Ryan Holiday.
That’s when I had the chance to recalibrate my mind. I felt like shit not because I was not doing enough or I was abusing my body like I did in my 20s. I felt like shit because I did not know how to slow down. I was always running around frantically to get things done. I felt like shit because of my inability to sit still without letting the outside noise in.
Key elements to a healthy mind
With that being said, I am going to assume that you already know the key elements to a healthy mental state of mind which are:
Sleep
Healthy Diet
Exercise
Meditation
Journaling
And of course, absolutely no binge drinking and smoking.
Now that those are out of the way, we can get into the morning habits I have developed ever since that panic attack on the train. I have gathered these from reading way too many self-help books and from watching way too many self-improvement TED talks.
I like to call them Morning Rituals.
1. Meditate on your death
The biggest tragedy of being born as a human being is the knowledge that we will all have to die. Ernest Becker in his book The Denial of Death said:
The other animals, unlike us, disappear from Earth with the same thoughtlessness as when they were born. But we, the self-conscious animals, have to live with this paralyzing knowledge that in all our gloriousness, creativity, and self-awareness, we will all end up as food for worms.
There is a lot to unpack on why we fear death but many believe that it is our innate response to protect the self at all times. It is against our nature to even think that one day we'll wake up in the morning for the last time. It’s painful to think that one day if we’re lucky enough, we will have to say goodbye to our loved ones. Not the kind of “talk to you later” kind of goodbye, or the “kiss at the door before leaving for work” kind of goodbye. It is the ultimate end, the final goodbye that probably made Morrissey sing:
All those people, all those lives
Where are they now?
With loves and hates
And passions just like mine
They were born
And then they lived
And then they died
It seems so unfair
I want to cry
But the Zen Buddhists see death as nothing but an inevitable part of life. Monks meditate on their death not only to remove themselves from fear but also as a reminder that tomorrow is not promised.
By contemplating the ephemerality of things, we can give more value to the present and live life with a wilder exuberance.
You are here, right now, but for how long? When you find yourself slipping into that loop of thinking that you have an unlimited amount of time, try meditating on your death. I’m sure it will amplify the urgency of life, propelling you into the things you were always meant to do.
Note: This is not for everyone, especially the depressed. If you’re depressed and are thinking of death as a means to end your suffering, please call the suicide hotline, a friend, or a family member.
2. Make your bed
When I say make your bed, I don’t mean just folding the blankets or smoothing out the covers. It also means cleaning the bed to ensure you will not be sleeping on all that dead skin and falling hair the next time you need to lie on your bed.
Think of it as a gift to yourself who will be coming home from work or school tired. I know I don’t like coming home to an untidy place and I am sure many of us agree.
It also helps to change the sheets every weekend. I think we can all agree that sleeping on fresh sheets is one of the biggest joys in life. According to a survey conducted by The National Sleep Foundation, about 78% agreed that they are more excited to go to bed on sheets with a fresh scent and 71% agreed that they get a more comfortable night’s sleep on sheets with a fresh scent.
So make your bed, clean your sheets, and change them once a week to give yourself that extra joy!
3. Make your coffee at home
Whether it’s coffee, tea, or breakfast, make it at home. This means getting up about two hours before you have to leave your house assuming you also need to meditate and exercise. It can be tempting to sleep in and just grab a to-go coffee on your way to work but you are missing out on an opportunity to sip on a glorious, freshly brewed coffee or tea.
If you are a coffee lover and you are not brewing your own coffee, you need to add this to your to-accomplish list. Brewing your coffee at home is way cheaper and tastier than buying your to-go coffee. And on top of it all, the process almost feels like it is easing you into your day.
The tools you need to start brewing your own coffee require a bit of an investment. I use the good old V60 dripper for manual brewing. You can watch a video that I made on YouTube on how I make my coffee in the morning if that is something that intrigues you. Of course, this is a personal choice. You can start off with a simple French press. Or even the instant drip coffee is good enough!
4. Clean up your space
Your space is more than just a place where we feel the most comfortable shitting. It is where you sleep, eat, relax, read, and create. It is where you live.
Some of us may not spend most of our time here but this is the place where we start and end our day. It is important to keep this space as tidy as possible. This does not have to be a spring cleaning type of cleanup. Just the super necessary ones that need to be done, like laundry, vacuuming the floor, taking out the trash, and wiping the tables.
It is also crucial to have a scheduled chore for each day. (see number 5) This way we don’t exhaust our decision-making too early in the morning.
For example, you can decide that you will do the laundry every Tuesday and Thursday, and vacuum the floor on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. And take out the trash every other day, or every day if necessary. As a reference, here’s what your weekly chore schedule could look like:
5. Take a shower or a bath
Water, according to the marine biologist Wallace J. Nichols, helps our brain shift from the Red Mind to the Blue Mind. The Red Mind is characterized by stress and anxiety while the Blue Mind is “a mildly meditative state characterized by calm, peacefulness, unity, and a sense of general happiness and satisfaction with life in the moment.”
If you’re living by the ocean, a lake, or a river, you are probably in a much better headspace than those of us who don’t. But even if you don’t, a shower or a bath is our next best option.
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won’t cure, but I don’t know many of them. Whenever I’m sad I’m going to die, or so nervous I can’t sleep, or in love with somebody I won’t be seeing for a week, I slump down just so far, and then I say: “I’ll go take a hot bath.”
I didn't say that. Sylvia Plath did. And I could not agree enough.
The Earth is made up of 70% water and so are our bodies. It is no surprise then that we feel a deep biological connection with water.
I am sure many of us know how it feels to finally step in the shower after a long day. You turn on the water and boom, you’re lucid. You feel nothing but water. You hear nothing but water. You see and smell nothing but water. Full-on meditative state. No wonder great ideas come when we are taking our showers.
Growing up in the Philippines, I used to dread the morning showers as a child not only because we had to do it first thing in the morning, but also because we didn’t have warm water to shower with. Our days always started with a cold shower, every single day, no matter the weather. Yes, it’s a tropical country and every day is typically a hot day but a morning cold shower from my perspective as a child was a death sentence no matter the season.
Ice baths or cold showers have become increasingly popular thanks to Wim Hof. It’s something that people swear by and I myself have hopped on the trend ever since that express train incident.
I don't like to take cold showers in winter. It’s something that I need to get used to but I do take warm showers every morning before leaving for work. I am one of those sinners who get in the bathtub way too often. It’s something I seriously look forward to in the morning and at night.
6. Make a to-do list
We all struggle to accomplish things. We tend to put things off only to end up feeling like shit for not doing the things we have been saying we would do. Sometimes, the tasks we need to do for a day are just simply too overwhelming.
In a society that glorifies productivity, we often find ourselves with an overwhelming amount of tasks at hand. And because our brain is wired to remember unfinished tasks better than the ones we have already accomplished, we often find ourselves constantly being interrupted by these unfinished tasks throughout the day.
Psychologists call this the Zeigarnik effect, named after the Russian psychologist, Bluma Zeigarnik. While sitting at a restaurant observing the busy servers, she noted that they could better recall the orders before they were served. After that, the brain is not interested in retaining exact details about which table ordered the salad or the steak. This is helpful if we only have two or three tasks to do. But the reality is we are bombarded with a million things to do every day.
Say you have 7 things you absolutely need to accomplish that day, how often do you constantly have these intrusive thoughts of the other 6 things you need to do while desperately trying to accomplish one? Probably a paralyzing number of times.
Sometimes, we get so overwhelmed by our brain’s constant reminder of our other unfulfilled goals that we sometimes just end up doing only one or nothing at all.
The good news is we can minimize these interferences.
In a recent study conducted by Masicampo and Baumeister, the two found out that although the human mind is disturbingly persistent in fulfilling its goals, “once a detailed plan has been made, one no longer has to think about the goal to execute it.”
Planning our goals, long-term or short-term, can reduce the amount of intrusive thoughts, thus making us more capable of multiple pursuits. As long as our mind can see through our goals by writing down our plans, we can minimize other tasks to compete with our attention.
7. Read for 15 minutes
Whatever you do, do not reach for that phone as soon as you wake up. Feeding your eyes with that blue light that your phone emits first thing in the morning is equivalent to taking a shot of tequila and then eating a greasy McDonald’s cheeseburger right after. I just made that up but you get the point.
It’s toxic to your brain and you are inviting stress way too early in the morning you might as well not have slept at all.
But why is it so toxic?
Well, it has something to do with your brain waves. I am no neuroscientist but a quick Google search will tell you that brain waves are electrical impulses of the brain that can occur at different frequencies:
from neurofeedbackalliance.com
When we decide to go to bed at night, our brainwaves will be likely hovering around Beta waves. Then we slowly switch to Alpha, down to Theta until we reach Delta. When we awake from our sleep, we slowly go up from Delta to Theta to Alpha and finally to Beta.
However, our first goal in the morning is not to immediately jump into the busyness of Beta waves lest you want to trigger your stress responses. The goal is to linger around Theta and Alpha waves which are said to be the breeding ground of creativity.
According to this article, during this process of awakening, we can stretch out the amount of time we are in theta state for five to 15 minutes which allows us “to have a free flow of ideas about yesterday's events or to contemplate the activities of the forthcoming day.” This is the time when our brain is naturally in a meditative state.
If you’re not a morning person like me, I find it a good idea to stimulate my brain, helping it adjust to the waking world. There are ways to stimulate your brain and doom scrolling on social media is not something you would want to engage in.
Instead, pick up a book and read for 15 minutes. It seems like a very short time to read but you would be surprised at how much you can learn by reading for just 15 minutes.
The first hours of your morning will dictate your mood throughout the day. Do not waste this chance for a meaningful mental activity!
And those are the seven morning habits you can try to cultivate stillness.
Take what you need and discard the rest!
If you’re not ready to give up on your vices and you think you feel okay and you don’t need an overhaul, then just keep doing what you’re doing. I find that it’s also crucial to scratch that itch before you go on becoming a monk. But if someday you get to that point where you’re just tired of feeling like shit the way I did over half a year ago, then it’s good to know that there are changes in your life you can do to make life a little easier to navigate.
